Motherhood - Day 12

Jayden is 12 days old today. How time flies when you're in motherhood.

As I was feeding him, I couldn't help but recall the moment when I was still nervously anticipating for his arrival. That fateful morning when Dylan and I made the trip to the hospital, that fateful moment when Jayden arrived to this world. Motherhood is indeed magical. As we look at Jayden everyday, we couldn't help but wonder how did we managed to come up with a baby like Jayden? It's all so surreal...

Our lives has indeed changed ever since the arrival of Jayden. Our priorities have changed, our coversation topics have changed. I don't know if it's for the better or worse but having a child is supposed to bond a family closer isn't it?

Dylan has been a wonderful support so far, except for some of his stubborn logics he chose to believe from others who blindly concoct from nowhere. Every child is different and unique. We can't possibly be following the rules blindly and not look for signs. If there is a step-by-step instructions manual on "How to raise a baby", I would be glad to follow it strictly!

I have lost 9kg so far but still 6kg away from my pre-pregnancy weight. My tummy is gone so I really have no idea where the 6kg goes to. My ass? My thighs? *gasp* My FACE?! They say the last 5kg are always the hardest to lose. :(

Jayden has chosen to stay awake on certain times of the day now which makes it difficult for me to coax him to sleep. Sleep is good for him but he's refusing it. :( And there are times when he'll sleep past his feeding time only to wake up wailing in extreme hunger.

What can I say? Baby is the king!

Jayden in one of his grouchy mood...

Jayden just day dreaming and refusing to sleep...

Our home terrorist...

... 1 week has passed. We're still trying to get accustomed to Jayden's 'pattern' but it's more managable now, with the special aid from the confinement lady.

In this 1 week, I learnt: -

• How frustrating breastfeeding can be when you're low on supply
• How to differentiate hunger cues, 'I-wet-my-diapers' cues and 'I'm tired' cues
• How to clean his poo
• How to make sure the milk is lukewarm
• How terrible it is not to be able to BATHE and no FAN (Who's grandmother logic is that huh!)
• How after having a baby, there's no such thing as COUPLETIME. Your entire conversations revolve around "Is bb hungry, hot, comfortable, clean?"

I was a supermom today running errands from morning till late noon.

• Woke up at 5am to express out the pathetic supply of milk in my breasts lest they become swollen and aching again.
• Went back to sleep and then waking up at 9am to prepare to go KK to register Jayden's birth, only to find out that Daddy forgot to sign off his name on the baby bonus form! GRRRRR....
• Made a trip down to Daddy's office and then back to KK to re-submit the forms
• Went home for lunch before preparing to bring Jayden out again for his Jaundice check-up
• Thank God level has dropped to 125.
• Finally arrived home again at 4pm. Expressed some more milk before collapsing into a coma.

There are still irregular hours that Jayden will wake up for feeds. We're still trying to get the hang of it and train him to sleep longer hours in the night. Jayden has started to stay up awake for longer periods now. It's amusing to see his eyes roving around, although most of the time he's groping at my breasts (is he always hungry?!)

Jayden and his many expressions...

He's only adorable when soundly asleep...

HELLO Jayden!

... Finally, 19-Oct has arrived and passed.

The labour process wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be. I came to realized that it was the aftermath of the labour that was the beginning of every mom's nightmare. And I'm starting to respect those that actually lived thru it and even salute those who opt for natural birth without any pain reliever (They must be out of their mind!)

19-Oct:

• 530am: woke up to wash up and was surprised to see bloody discharge. 1st sign of labour. Must be a good sign.
• Reached KK at 640am and had my 'last meal' at Mac before registering for admission at 710am.
• 715am: was pushed to the delivery suite and put on CTG scan. Gynae came to check for dilation. Mommy was already 1cm dilated!
• 740am: Gynae decided to insert the 1st tablet and mommy was left on CTG scan.
• 1100am: was pushed out of delivery suite to normal ward to monitor for contractions. Gynae said will insert 2nd tablet at 6pm
• 1130am: started to feel the contractions and begin to monitor timing. Each interval was 5-7 mins
• 1230pm: contractions were getting more unbearable, nurse suggested pain reliever at the thigh but decided to wait longer to monitor
• 2:00pm: Pain was getting worse and interval was every 4-5 mins. Told the nurse I need the pain reliever NOW and was pushed to the delivery suite again.
• 2:30pm: Gynae came to check and found that mommy was already 2cm dilated! Burst the waterbag and instructed the nurse to put on epidural instead.
• 2:45pm: Was given the laughing gas to sedate the pain while they inject the epidural. Everything became a daze. And the contraction pains were GONE! Gynae estimated delivery timing to be 12am - 2 am.
• 6:30pm: Nurse came for routine CTG scan and was shocked to see that mommy is FULLY dilated and could see Jayden's scalp. (Mommy started to panic)
• 6:45pm: Nurse started asking mommy to push. Side effects of the epi started to kick in as well. Mommy was shivering so terribly, she didn't have the strength to push. Daddy tried to comfort mommy.
• 7:20pm: Mommy still pushing but head still barely out. Mommy is tired and shivering.
• 7:30pm: Gynae came in and started to ask mommy to push again. Gathered a team of nurses to help to push the tummy as well.
• 7:34pm: Baby Jayden is OUT! What a relief! Gave my 1st breast milk at the labour ward while they stitch me up...

(But the nightmare has yet to begin...)

Was pushed back to the normal ward to rest and given milo. 2nd effect of epidural kicked in and mommy vomitted continously. Was dead tired but couldn't sleep as the wound was hurting like crazy after epi died off. Was even more pressurized when nurse mentioned that I had to pee within the next 6 hours. Spent the entire night from 1am - 4am trying in bed, NOTHING. At 545am, the nurse decided to insert the urine bag to empty the bladder.

20-Oct:

Gynae came in the morning to check on the wound. Everything seemed ok but still couldn't get out of bed. Felt like a handicap when nurses have to come change the dressing and pads. Was bleeding non-stop. Tried to breastfeed Jayden but failed. Asked the nurse to give FM instead.

21-Oct:

Tests were done on Jayden and am glad everything turned out fine. The stay at KK was very pleasant as the nurses were very attentive and took great care of the both of us. So Mommy thought everything was plain sailing and just waiting to be discharged.

NOW THE NIGHTMARE HAS JUST BEGUN...

Reached home at 3pm and everyone welcomed Jayden home. Decided to give FM for the rest of the night before confinement lady comes on 22-Oct.

Nightfall came and that was the start of our roller-coaster ride...

Seeing that I was totally drained out from the entire process, Daddy offered to stay up the night together with the MIL. We thought that by feeding him regularly every 3 hours would be a breeze. We were SO WRONG.

12:30am: Jayden started crying. We fed him.
1:30am: Jayden started crying again. Found out he poo-ed so we changed his diapers.
2:00am: Jayden CRIED AGAIN and this time it was NON-STOP. We couldn't tell if he had fever or stomach flu and PANICED.
2:15am: Decided to go to KK A&E when Jayden just couldn't stop crying.
2:45am: Doc at KK checked and found NOTHING was wrong. But did mention that could be viral infection. Mommy and Daddy were lost. Decided to admit Jayden instead and seek professional help.

The rest of the day at KK ward was a nightmare. The nurses couldn't help us and Jayden was crying every 1 hour. Sometimes he was hungry, sometimes he just want to be carried. We were going insane and didn't know what to do. We wanted to discharge and go home but the process had to wait till 5pm!

From 3am - 5pm was the longest wait for us. We didn't want to stay in the ward with the rest of the sick kids since Jayden was fine. Mommy regretted not asking the CL to come in earlier. :( What a painful and expensive lesson.

22-Oct:

CL finally came! Our saviour! And another roller-coaster ride again...
Jayden was still crying almost every hour. Poor CL had to take care of him. We didn't slept much either as I was suffering from breast engorgement! The pain was worse than contractions and the breasts were as hard as stone! :( Really almost wanted to give up there and then...

Now, mommy and daddy is still struggling with Jayden's pattern at home. I'm thankful that I had all the help I needed from Daddy and his family. Daddy has been a wonderful pillar if support during this period. Jayden and Mommy are very blessed indeed. Really hope things will turn out for the better... ... Please pray for us...

The day is set...

... 19th Oct - is the day I've scheduled for induction. After the regular gynae visit yesterday, we've decided to go with induction 1 day before the EDD to be on the safe side.

I'm now officially on maternity leave but still, no signs of labour - no contractions, no show, no dilation, NOTHING. :( So from now till the 18th, I'm praying for the slightest signal of labour. Cause I really hope to opt out induction as I heard the process can be very long and tiring.

After the false alarm on the 9-Oct, everything seems pretty normal since.

1) Mommy is STILL gaining weight (when will it ever stop?!)
2) BB is now 3.1kg
3) Water bag still normal

Basically, the hospital bag is packed and ready, even the baby cot is set up. I can confidently say that I've prepared everything. The only thing I'm not ready are my emotions. I'm still very apprehensive about myself, the impeding labour and the future.

Right now, my entire mind is all about the labour. 19-oct, I have to check into KKH at 7am. How long or how painful this process is going to be? Is everything going to be ok? Will baby be ok? I'm still getting the jitters...

Well, we never know until the 19th...

Getting the name right...

After the disheartening news, I spent the rest of the evening mulling over why the bad things have to happen in this month. October was meant to mark the birth of our love child, the start of another new life chapter, another stepping stone to our marriage life.


But yesterday, it felt like I was alone on my own, to face this new lease of life myself. I couldn't control my emotions and I know bb felt the ache in my heart cause he didn't move much for the rest of the night... I'm sorry baby...I just couldn't help it...


Anyway, I tried to divert my emotions by thinking of Chinese names to call our baby. Initially I wanted a Chinese master to come up with a name but I was worried he may come up with something kuku that will mark a joke for the rest of our baby's life. So I started scribbling on the notepad and came up with these names: -


叶瑞哲 - Rui4 Zhe2

叶振哲 - Zhen4 Zhe2

叶宇哲 - Yu3 Zhe2

叶柯启 - Ke3 Qi2

叶振轩 - Zhen4 Xuan2


I was still feeling the downs until I heard how Dylan pronounced the names and I couldn't help feeling tickled by his terrible pronounciation. Every single name that I thought would sound nice didn't sound quite right from him. :(


The names were just random thoughts but you can tell that I wanted to have the word 哲 in his name. Hehe... Cause the meaning of 哲 is wise / sagacious. :)

This morning, I suddenly recalled the song Dylan sang to me at our wedding by 陶喆 - 爱很简单。And surprisingly, the meaning is the same! :D So I decided to change to this 喆 instead since it also looks like double luck (ji xiang)

And thus the start of my search on the meanings of each names...... It didn't take me long to stop at the first name because the meaning was just perfectly appropriate!

叶瑞喆 - 瑞 means Feliticous Omen (Pleasant, Delightful, Auspicious) and needless to say 喆 means Wise! And at the same time, it has double ji xiang too.

Ok la! Set on this name liao! :D

Yea right...let's see what Daddy has to say about it...

Baby, we're on our own...

I just received a very very sad news from Dylan.

Of all the times in the world, he has to plan business trips during this vulnerable period. And now it seems like he's more eager for bb to come out earlier.

He's not the least anticipating bb's arrival. He's only anticipating it so that he can know the next step to plan his business trip.

Which is more important?!?!!

First, he said may be in mid-Oct, then it got postponed to Nov and now it may be in 19-Oct. Does he even know that I'm due in 20-OCT?????

How can he even CONSIDER these plans!!! Oct-Nov should be totally OFF LIMITS.

Looks like it's just me and bb on our own. Alone in the house with the confinement lady. :(

Baby you're doing fine...

... FINALLY. THE moment has arrived. Anytime now. Everyday is an anticipation.

Routine check-up on 29-Sep.

• BB is 2.7kg
• BB's heartbeat at 145, which is fairly the average 150
• Water bag level is normal
• Mommy put on another kg. It never ends. -_-
• BB is full-term now, gynae foresee BB to come 1-2 weeks earlier than EDD

Every movement in my tummy counts now. Doesn't matter if it's a kick, a wriggle, a hiccup. It's a sign to tell me that bb is safe and sound and just waiting for the right moment to face the world.

This kind of anticipation can be quite tormenting. Because mommy will stay awake the entire night just to make sure bb MOVES. So far, no signs of labour. This is another kind of torture because I have no idea how to differentiate between a REAL contraction and the regular braxton hicks. :(

Next check-up on 6-Oct. I'm hoping bb comes out either on 10/10, 15/10 or 20/10 although Dylan prefers 07/10 (7 meaning perfect). Let's go with God's will. :)